Blessed Are the Weirdos
I was teaching one of my final classes as a student in a yoga teacher training program. After the class our instructor evaluated our performance in front of our peers. He said something like "Erin gives great cues when she teaches. You know what she is asking you to do. You know you can trust her and that your body is safe with her. Erin, your teaching would grow deeper if you start showing more of yourself to your students. Tell stories, have fun. Right now, we respect you but no one wants to hang out with you on a Friday night."
That last part cut like a knife. He and I talked about it later. I told him how much his words hurt me, and I know he didn't mean to. He is a straight shooter and tells it like he sees it, and I actually really like that about him. The way the words cut me was my clue that there was something for me to look at here.
I have spent several years with these words now. They have floated through my mind and heart and body. I have turned them over and over, examining them from all sides. I have watched my relationships and interactions through the lens of these words. They have become one of my filters, one of the smudged faces of the diamond of my perception.
What I have discovered, is that he is right. But it's actually the inverse that is alsto true. I don't want to hang out with people on a Friday night. I want to hang out with plants.
I live in a world that is dictated by what is unseen and unheard. I take my cues from the way the wind is moving or what I dreamed of last night or the way a plant seems to be calling to me. My time on Friday nights is spent in quiet in the natural world. I priortize relationships with non-humans because I believe that I am meant to be a bridge between the world of the humans and the rest of the web of life. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. I have never fully embraced the life of a modern human and I have always stayed close to the otherworlds.
This has deeply strained all of my human relationships. I am difficult to be friends with. I am difficult to be in love with. I am difficult to depend on. My loyalty is to the natural world first. If the plants are calling me because they have something to teach, I will always priorize that relationship.
I have become more vulnerable and open over the years and I have learned to share more of my own personal, human struggles. My sharing seems to help others to connect to their own stories in a deeper way. I am sharing this story today because I know that I am not alone in this story either. Many of us are here to be ambassadors to another world, one that cannot be seen or understood by most other humans.
I am an ambassador to the world of the plants and trees and fungi and dryads....I know others who are ambassadors to the world of the starbeings or the muses or those who have left their bodies but still have information to share with the living. This type of work requires ust to have one eye and one ear attuned to the non-material world at all times. This requires extra energy, time alone, silence, a very active spiritual life and the willingness to listen deeply and respond fully to the messages we receive.
My seriousness and depth, my fierce commitment to the web of life, my willingness to prioritize the call of my path, my otherworldiness, none of these make me deficient. They just make me different. And different is good. In ecology, we call this biodiversity and it is an indicator of a healthy ecosystem. I see my strangeness as a benefit to the human species, not a reason for me to be ostracized or condemned.
It has taken a lot of work to come to this place of love for myself. I watch other empaths and mystics and seers all around me struggling with this same dilemma. I see you. I love you. I honor your path. It is okay if you don't want to go to the bar. It's okay if you don't have a favorite sports team. It's okay if you don't watch all of the popular tv shows. It's okay if you don't know how to do small talk. It's okay if you change plans to honor your call. It is okay if you can't explain how you know the things you know.
The energy we spend fighting ourselves is energy we could be giving to our work. When we embrace ourselves, we find freedom. Wholeness means loving every part of ourselves, it doesn't mean being like anyone else. I feel like this message is more important now than ever. Those of us who are called to perceive realities outside of concensus reality are being fully activated right now. The reality that we have been conditioned to participate in is falling away. We are the visionaries, the shamans, the dreamers, the seers. We are being asked to see another way forward. This work is critical for the survival of our species. We were made this way for a reason.
So to all of you who feel left out on Friday nights, just know that I am with you in spirit while I am sitting with the plants.
Photo by Jordan Leigh at Natural Being Photography