Scary Bloodwork Day
I am currently participating in a 21 day Sadhana (daily practice) with the Awakening Women Institute.
We are encountering the Goddess Lalita Devi from the Hindu tradition through poetry, stories, chanting, and movement. I am on day twelve of the Sadhana, and I am feeling the effects.
Lalita Devi is the goddess of softness, playfulness, sensual joy, expansiveness. She is one of the primary creation goddesses of the Hindu tradition. Hers is the medicine of softening, opening, embracing.
The path of Lalita shows us how to turn toward our sensations, our discomforts, our fears. Instead of contraction or freezing, we soften and melt into the sensation, following it back to it's source. The source of all sensation is the Source of all things.
I had a very potent experience with Lalita medicine today. My toddler son needed to have some bloodwork this morning. Being empathic, I cannot stand to feel his suffering and I have been dreading this day for a week now. I had tried to put it out of my mind, prayed for strength and courage, hydrated him, asked for support, etc. It occurred to me, this morning, to use the practice of Lalita Devi to soften toward these feelings of fear.
Every time I felt contraction, constriction, fear, I softened and moved toward it. I breathed into my fear. I felt the sensations in my belly, my throat, my heart. My softening melted the frozen feeling of my fear and I was able to show up for my son in a powerful way. I stayed steady, strong, breathing deeply, softening and opening as I held him for the phlebotomist. It seemed like he felt my calm. He cried, but he didn't fight. He stayed still, moving only to wipe his tears. Instead of fear of fierce protectiveness, I could see the pain in the eyes of the phlebotomist. She didn't want to hurt my son. I could feel his trust in me as he leaned back against my chest and into my arms. I was flooded with compassion and warmth. I was held by Lalita Devi.