Queen of the Night
The eclipse energy is still reverberating in my cells. This glimpse of the darkness while the sun still reigns, it seems to have given me courage.
In my dreams last night, I experienced what is dark in me. My deepest desires and longings. Here in the dark of night, I am defenseless to the visitations from the parts of myself that I have abandoned, avoided, felt ashamed of and denied. Held by the loving embrace of the Queen of the Night, she sings to me the lullabies of my longings. Who could I be? Where could I go? What is possible outside of the constraints of my conditioned fears?
Marianne Williamson talks about our deepest fear being our greatness. This is often what is locked away in the dark. The shadow realms hold what is powerful in us that we are not ready to see.
I don't know what the Dark Mother is asking of me yet by revealing this shadow self. I know only that my work now is to feel into it. To stop denying myself. To say yes to the parts of me that I am afraid of, ashamed of, unsure about. It is time to say yes and keep walking. To really feel what I am mourning in my life and to choose freedom wherever I can.
We are taught to believe that the dark is to be feared. From Grimm's Fairytales to Urban Legends, we are conditioned to keep our guard up in the dark. Of course we should always be aware of our surroundings and trust our instincts, whether in the dark or in the daylight, but what if this training was to keep us in the dark from knowing our true power. What if magic and truth live in the dark? What if the darkness is the secret to our Wholeness?
I have spent most of my life afraid of the dark. The dark has been my canvas, a place for me to project my fears, my vulnerability, my weakness and helplessness. I remember the night that this all changed. I was staring into the total darkness of a new moon night in the woods. Suddenly, in that inky void I saw all possibilities. Anything could exist there, beyond my sight. My mind always chose to project predators and evil things, why couldn't it be something beautiful sitting just beyond my senses? It became clear what a gifted teacher the darkness truly is-selflessly offering itself as canvas for me to see what is hidden within myself. After I was able to integrate this lesson, tend to my fear and vulnerability, the darkness began to offer me so many jewels. So much of what is good in me has gone to live quietly in the all-embracing arms of the Queen of the Night. I am ready to welcome more of myself into my experience, as the Night offers these parts of myself back to me.